The Introduction

I'm 42. I've had 3 open heart surgeries,1977, 1978, 1981. I was a mere child. There is much that I can recall and much that I cannot. I had no power, just let what had to be done, done. Mom and Dad took care of the money, the insurance. I mean the last one was when I was merely 14. I just wanted to be a normal kid. I wasn't.
Decades pass, a drinking problem passed, life continues. Somewhere around 29 I regained control of my life. I also got rid of a cardiologist that was a pox upon my life, upon my own psyche.
Dad had died in 1985, I remember that hitting me hard. Mom passed in 2005 after a very long battle with cancer. I will always be grateful to have been able to be there for her. In the interim my health was fairly well. My 30's passed very nicely without any real problems for me. Good check up after check up.
I will say around fall/winter of '08 through the year of '09, I knew there was a problem. I hit the gym regularly for cardio, daily. But even when shoveling snow, I knew or felt there was a problem.
Now let me add that I tend in the colder weather to fall out of shape quite easily, so I put it down to that. I just couldn't do what I used to do. Snow shoveling wore me out. I started going to bed around 10, this I put down to just winter hibernation, something I always have been fond of.
Spring came, I seemed okay, had good days and bad. Definitely had the lack of energy that I normally got that time of year. Hell I was even planning out the first vacation in 4 or 5 years. And still I hit that gym each and every day. Even still I needed to rest on occasion when mowing my back lawn. Not out of breath, but just letting my heart slow down.
Even on the machines it seemed odd. I prefer the elliptical or treadmill. There were days where I was unstoppable. Then there were days that my heart would just beat wildly out of my chest. Not once did I actually stop to believe this was an issue. For so long in my life, youth and drinking and what not, I just put that to being out of shape.
I bailed out of one of my early summer stress tests my doctor liked me to have. The rest of the tests came out just fine. So I had to be fine. My condition didn't appear to have any actual causes. I do admit that it seemed to haunt me on my vacation.
Now as I have gotten older, humid days have affected me. My vacation, 7 days, 2 of sun 5 of rain. Quite a bit of walking, had to stop frequently. Apparently lying to myself saying I was sight seeing. And even on vacation, though I slept badly, I was going to bed ridiculously early.
Let me tell you about the 2 cardiologists in my life. My first one was miserable, from '78 until '95 he wrecked my life. Not allowing me to do anything. As I grew older and more resentful I began to realize he was a quack. He was a lot more interested as to how my mom was, why she didn't come with me. Hell I was 18 at some point in 1985. He told me various things that would be unproven. Put me on and off medications.
I gave up with my family, complaining, asking for help. No they weren't nor are thy bad people. They just thought he was doing what was best and such. My psyche developed a response. If no one actually seemed to care then why should I? Here is a small example of what I call the butchery. He at one point put me on high blood pressure medication. To this day I have such low blood pressure that the nurse at my current cardiologist asks if I faint? Once I confirmed with the druggist what this drug was, I decided not to take this twice daily pill. Ever! At some point in the future the butcher says he feels the pill is doing wonders for me. What? Says he wants me to start taking it twice a day. I interject, happily that I already was. Checked his notes and says no I never prescribed it twice a day. Hell it was even on the bottle! This is when I believe I truly checked out of giving a damn what this idiot had to say.
At that wonderful age I gave up on living and began to live to the fullest. You see the thing that was stressed to me at each and every appointment was this:
You have heart disease. There is nothing we can do to cure it. We can only prevent it from killing you now. You will be dead by the time you are 30.
If you have a child you wish to remove any hope of the future, repeat this to them constantly. I lost all ambitions but for pleasure and carnal habits. I maintained that I would only harm myself and put no one else in danger. I lived very true to that word.
It was a terrific self fulfilling prophecy. Sure I kept the appointments. Hell sure I got had to. Needed to make sure I was on the right course of self destruction. A lot of adventures that don't belong here, just let your imagination run wild.
My drinking had gotten out of control, the the point that in 9 years my daily drinking was great. Never a problem. In the latter half of the 9th year, I was arguing with myself that a drink in the morning was not a half bad idea. Let me also illustrate, I always had a job, never drank on the job, never late, stuff like that there. One must do what one must to be able to afford drinks.
I digress, it was at this point, the butcher said he wanted me to go for a TEE test for the heart. It was risky and such. I was in very very bad shape. The doctor who administered the test became my new doctor shortly afterwards. He dispelled many myths that my old doctor had told me. He saved my life. He allowed me to come out of the darkness and embrace life new again.
It has not been easy. I apparently was not aware of how many bridges I had indeed burned. However, life began anew. I am grateful. Became a member of life. Got a job. I reckon also was able to be at my mom's side through her darkest hours, to the end. For this I am grateful. It has been a great 11 or 12 years.
Somewhere after this I took a real job. It was I believe '98 or '99. Hell it even had days off with pay, and medical benefits. I had lost those somewhere. True to his nature my new doctor worked with me with that.
Mom passed in February of '05. I was grateful to my job. I was lucky enough to be with a crew that would allow me to leave in the middle of the day to get her to chemo and come back at night to finish. Stuff like that.
Chapter:1
Health benefits. Do any of us really understand these? From HMO to PPO? I knew enough from one of my jobs that HMO was not an option for me. So I always took the PPO.
Statements came and went, I glanced without a single understanding. It said this and that, deductible, what I owed, but seldom paid. Hell it didn't even have to be in English. This will now have to change. I am writing this as a work in progress. Because I am now lost. I am setting up a folder for all of this, along with questions. Oh I will ask and get answers, and I will share. The goal here isn't to teach anyone anything, except to stop and ask. I hope this helps.
October 8 '09: A scheduled stress test with my cardiologist. One of the first things the insurance woman comes to talk to me. I owe a certain amount that the insurance company wouldn't cover. I tell her I will speak about it to the doctor. I have paid off these before. I don't even make 28,000 in full year, it is always about paying things off. It is one of the downsides of the "fun-i don't like to say wasted-years before this doctor" I will never make what my contemporaries make, but they will never have had the fun I had.
During the tread mill my heart rate hit a mere 290. Not great. Immediately rushed back to the table. Sorry, there are 2 types of stress tests. One is for elderly or higher risks patients. It is an hours long test of shots and reactions and EKG's and ECHO's. The treadmill is a lot quicker. You do an EKG and an Echo before the test. Do what you can on the treadmill. Repeat EKG and Echo and the tests are compared.
Mine showed that my heart went into sever atrial fibrillation. After waiting in his office we spoke. He was concerned and wanted me to see an arrhythmia specialist. Someone he knows, he was going to send over the results, gave me the name and number. As we prepared to leave I mentioned the paper on top of the file and said I need to discuss payment options. He glared at me crumpled it and said you let me worry about this shit. That is a doctor ladies and gentleman.
Got home, broke the news. Let's just say they were stunned. Unfortunately I don't have a strong support system here, I am the support system and strong one hahaha. I should mention that I live in what was my mom's house with my sister and brother in law. Enough said.
I began the process by calling the arrhythmia specialists office. Typical, automated system, jump through hurdles, made the appointment. I am here fuzzy on the exact date of the appointment. I expect to find it. I believe the appointment was made for October 20th. Busy office, this gave me time to prepare.